Word Definition Puns

These words and/or their definitions are made up and humorous.

• Chessnut - one who is crazy about playing chess


• Carpet - A pet you keep in your car


• Infantry - A baby tree


• (Add a letter) Diepole - a pole you tie the prisoner to when he is shot.


• Safety - Tea that's OK to drink


• Kilowatt - To murder ole Mr. Watt


• Nullifly - 1. To put someone on a no fly list 2. To kill a fly


• Detailed - a dog that's had its tail removed


• (change one letter) Defeeted - Having had one feet amputated or cut off accidentally


• Storage - The number of years it has been since the store was first built.


• Woofer - In German it is a synonym for "ein Barkenpantensnifferfer"


• Curtail - the tail of a mongrel (I suppose it could also be to shorten the tail of a mongrel.)


• Recur - A mongrel that reincarnates as a mongrel


• Friday - The day you fry something


• Hostage - The age of your host


• Napkin - a relative you take a siesta with


• Ratify - To increase the rat population


• Season - one's son who is born at sea


• Seasoning - Giving birth to a son at sea


• (Add a letter) Electrick - vote for Rick and put him in office


• (Change one letter) Incarmate - to have sex in an automobile


• Steward - the man who prepares the stew


• (Remove a letter) Cabage - how old a taxi is


• Flippant - an ant that performs somersaults


• Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


• Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


• Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.


• Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.


• Glibido: All talk and no action.


• Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.


• Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


• Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


• coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.


• flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


• abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


• esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.


• willy-nilly, adj. impotent.


• negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.


• lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.


• gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.


• flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.


• balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline..


• testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.


• rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.


• pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.


• oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


• Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


• circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.