Word Definition Puns

These words and/or their definitions are made up and humorous.

• Chessnut - one who is crazy about playing chess


• Carpet - A pet you keep in your car


• Infantry - A baby tree


• (Add a letter) Diepole - a pole you tie the prisoner to when he is shot.


• Safety - Tea that's OK to drink


• Kilowatt - To murder ole Mr. Watt


• Nullifly - 1. To put someone on a no fly list 2. To kill a fly


• Detailed - a dog that's had its tail removed


• (change one letter) Defeeted - Having had one feet amputated or cut off accidentally


• Storage - The number of years it has been since the store was first built.


• Woofer - In German it is a synonym for "ein Barkenpantensnifferfer"


• Curtail - the tail of a mongrel (I suppose it could also be to shorten the tail of a mongrel.)


• Recur - A mongrel that reincarnates as a mongrel


• Friday - The day you fry something


• Hostage - The age of your host


• Napkin - a relative you take a siesta with


• Ratify - To increase the rat population


• Season - one's son who is born at sea


• Seasoning - Giving birth to a son at sea


• (Add a letter) Electrick - vote for Rick and put him in office


• (Change one letter) Incarmate - to have sex in an automobile


• Steward - the man who prepares the stew


• (Remove a letter) Cabage - how old a taxi is


• Flippant - an ant that performs somersaults


• Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


• Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


• Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.


• Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.


• Glibido: All talk and no action.


• Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.


• Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


• Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


• coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.


• flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


• abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


• esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.


• willy-nilly, adj. impotent.


• negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.


• lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.


• gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.


• flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.


• balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline..


• testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.


• rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.


• pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.


• oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


• Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


• circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Invented languages take on a life of their own / Once the province of a few, new tongues flourish through Net (San Francisco Chronicle)

In any language, Sonja Elen Kisa was depressed. The world was overwhelming, and the thoughts that swirled through her mind in French, English, German or Esperanto echoed that. So Kisa, 28, a student and translator in Toronto, decided to create her own...

In any language, Sonja Elen Kisa was depressed.

The world was overwhelming, and the thoughts that swirled through her mind in French, English, German or Esperanto echoed that.

So Kisa, 28, a student and translator in Toronto, decided to create her own language, something simple that would help clarify her thinking. She called it Toki Pona - "good language" - and gave it just 120 words.

"Ale li pona," she told herself. "Everything will be OK."

Kisa eventually sorted through her thoughts and, to her great surprise, her language took off, with more than 100 speakers today, singing Toki Pona songs, writing Toki Pona poems and chatting with Toki Pona words.

It's all part of a weirdly Babel-esque boom of new languages. Once the private arena of J.R.R. Tolkien, Esperanto speakers and grunting Klingon fanatics, invented languages have flourished on the Internet and begun creeping into the public domain.

The Web site Langmaker.com now lists more than 1,000 language inventors and 1,902 made-up languages, from Ayvarith to Zyem.

The language inventors have, of course, created a word to describe what they do - "conlang," short for constructed languages.

Created languages may have no hope of supplanting the real thing, but for most conlangers, that is hardly the goal. Hobbyists such as Kisa find it a fun or therapeutic practice. Linguists can use conlangs to dissect how real language works. For a select few who write fiction or work for Hollywood, conlanging can even be a moneymaker.

But to the majority of linguaphiles, conlangs are simply art. Their palette holds not paints but the buzz of the letter "z," the hiss of an "s," the trill of an Italian "r."

And sometimes the howl of a Klingon scream: "Hab SoSlI' Quch!"

"Your mother has a smooth forehead!"

In this realm of art, Toki Pona is white canvas with scattered brush strokes of primary colors.

Kisa created Toki Pona as an exercise in minimalism, looking for the core vocabulary necessary to communicate. With only 120 words, a Toki Pona speaker must combine words to express more complicated ideas. For example, the Toki Pona phrase for "friend" is "jan pona" (the "j" sounds like a "y"), literally "good person."

Kisa, who is studying speech language therapy, tried to focus Toki Pona's vocabulary on basic, positive concepts.

"It has sort of a Zen or Taoist nature to it," Kisa said.

Tolkien liked to call invented language his secret vice. He spent hours at the solitary hobby, designing grammars and modifying words from Latin, Finnish, Welsh and others for his languages.

Eventually, his languages needed tongues to speak them, and those speakers needed a place to live. And thus Middle-Earth was born, with Tolkien's languages becoming the Sindarin and Quenya of the Elves, the Khuzdul of the Dwarves, and the Black Speech of the Orcs.

In the 12th century, the nun Hildegard of Bingen developed a rudimentary conlang she called Lingua Ignota, Latin for "unknown language" No one knows its purpose. All that survives is a short passage and a list of 1,012 terms arranged from the highest form, "God," to the lowest, "cricket."

Esperanto was created in the late 19th century by Polish doctor Ludovic Zamenhof. His dream was to give humanity a common international language that would be simple to learn. Esperanto's vocabulary is small, word order does not matter and there are no irregular verbs.

"Gi estas iom lingvo idealisma," said William B. Harris, director of the central office of the Esperanto League for North America, in California. "It's somewhat of an idealistic language."

Today, as many as 2 million people speak Esperanto, which conlangers call an "auxlang," or auxiliary language.

Learning is the easy part. Actually creating a language is a task only for the very tenacious. It took Kisa a year to put hers together, and her language was built to be basic.

It is not enough simply to replace existing words with invented ones. To a conlanger, such a construction would be a mere code.

The conlanger considers many factors, starting with the sound of the language. Linguists call it phonaesthetics; Germans call it Sprachgefuhl - "speech feeling."

Tricky to define, it's that certain quality that makes French the language of love and German the language that "makes you want to conquer Poland," said John Quijada, a Web site developer in Sacramento who created Ithkuil

There are rules to this game. Human languages - known as "natlangs," for natural languages - follow universal linguistic patterns. For example, few human languages use the raspberry sound, but all have an "ah" sound. To create a pseudo-natlang, the conlanger also should follow those rules.

Of course, there are instances when one doesn't want to follow the rules. In creating Klingon for "Star Trek," Marc Okrand, 59, said, "I looked at all those kinds of rules and then violated them on purpose."

If a conlang is to be a language for nonhumans, the conlanger must consider their biology - if they lack teeth or vocal cords, the language's sounds will be constrained accordingly.

The conlanger also must ponder the grammar. For example, will the word order be subject-verb-object, as in English, or perhaps object-subject-verb, following the example of Yoda?

Okrand chose the rarest of grammatical structures, object-verb-subject. A Klingon would say, "The Enterprise boarded I." He purposely picked sounds that never would be found together in the same human language.

All this has added up to one alien manner of speech.

The challenge has not deterred serious Klingonists, who number perhaps a few hundred worldwide. Djorn X. Oqvist, 33, a Swedish linguistics student and founder of the Klingon Academy, said you must be creative with Klingon's 2,600 words.

For example, he said, there is no way to say: "Park the car." No problem. Klingon speakers "dock" their vehicles.

The difference between "park" and "dock" illustrates how languages can talk about similar things but conjure subtly different images.

The phenomenon was noted by early 20th century linguists Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf. They proposed a theory that language had the power to broaden or constrain a speaker's thoughts. That is, it is hard to think about concepts without the specific words to express them.

In 1955, sociologist James Cooke Brown came up with an idea to test the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis. He would train students in a new language, and look at how their thinking changed.

He knew he could not use a natlang - it would be impossible to separate language from the influence of culture. So Brown invented a cultureless language, Loglan - short for "logical language."

Just as scientists use mice as a model for the human body, Loglan would be a model language for his laboratory of thought.

Brown borrowed vocabulary from English, French, German, Chinese, Hindi, Spanish, Russian and Japanese - the eight most widely spoken languages at the time.

Loglan was designed to be free of irregularity and ambiguity. The Loglan lexicon, containing more than 10,000 words, is made up of five-letter root words and short, one- or two-letter modifiers. The roots can be combined to make new six-letter words.

He included words for the mathematical Boolean variables such as "and," "or inclusive" and "or exclusive" to encourage clear, logical thinking.

As it turned out, creating the language wasn't the hardest part. Like many successful conlangers, Brown struggled to maintain control over his creation.

He founded the Loglan Institute in San Diego in the 1970s to bring others into the project, but then was upset when they didn't agree with his ideas.

"In 1984 there was a knock-down, drag-out battle over this," said Bob LeChevalier, 53, who was a member at the time. The institute fell apart and Brown was never able to conduct his great experiment.

LeChevalier and others developed Lojban, a language built on identical principles as Loglan. LeChevalier estimates there are between 500 and 1,000 Lojban speakers.

Kisa, too, has wrestled with the growing pains of her creation.

Once a language is released from the notebooks and index cards of its birth, other speakers might use it for purposes its creator never intended.

Since Kisa let Toki Pona loose on the Internet in 2001, it has spread from Toronto to speakers all over the world.

Massachusetts Institute of Technology routinely offers a seminar about the language. Kisa has received e-mails from Russians learning Toki Pona and a Finnish therapist who wants to teach it to his depressed patients.

Occasionally these correspondents offer criticism as well as praise. Some want to express complicated thoughts in Toki Pona, running counter to its design.

Kisa has given in to a few complaints. It's only natural for language to evolve, she said.

"Tenpo ni la toki pona li kama suli. Jan mute li kepeken e ona," she said. "It's like a living thing now."

Getting the Instruction Right at Khalil Gibran (The New York Sun)

The following article is about the conflicts that exist in the United States regarding the use of religion in public schools and their funding.   In the United States most people believe that religion and Education should be separate. This is not the case in many countries.  In fact, in most arab and muslim countries, religion is integrated in classes as a matter of fact.

In other countries, religion is just considered a fact of life and appears without planning in and around schools. This is especially true in countries where most people belong to the same religious organization for example Mexico is at least 90% Catholic.  While Catholicism is not a public school course here, symbols and mini-altars are common, even at gas stations.

This article is from here.

The city's Arabic-language public school, the Khalil Gibran International Academy, opens its doors this week, with special security, for about 55 12-year-old students. One hopes that the prolonged public debate over the school's Islamist proclivities will prompt it not to promote any political or religious agendas.

Count me as skeptical, however, and for two main reasons. First is the school's genesis and personnel, about which others and I have written extensively. Second, and my topic here, is the worrisome record of taxpayer-funded K–12 Arabic-language programs from sea to shining sea.

The trend is clear: Pre-collegiate Arabic-language instruction, even when taxpayer funded, tends to bring along indoctrination in pan-Arab nationalism, radical Islam, or both. Note some examples:

• Amana Academy, Alpharetta, Georgia, near Atlanta: A charter school that requires Arabic-language learning, Amana boasts of its "institutional partnership" with the Arabic Language Institute Foundation. But ALIF forwards the learning of Arabic as a means "to convey the message of Qur'an in North America and Europe" and thus to "help the Western countries recover from the present moral decay."

• Carver Elementary School, San Diego: A teacher, Mary-Frances Stephens, informed the school board that she taught a "segregated class" of Muslim girls and that each day she was required to release them from class for an hour of prayer, led by a Muslim teacher's aide. Ms. Stephens deemed this arrangement "clearly a violation of administrative, legislative and judicial guidelines." The school's principal, Kimberlee Kidd, replied that the teacher's aide merely prayed alongside the students and the session lasted only 15 minutes. The San Diego Unified School District investigated Ms. Stephens's allegations and rejected them, but it nonetheless changed practices at Carver. Superintendent Carl Cohn eliminated single-gender classes and reconfigured the schedule so that students can pray during lunch.

• Charlestown High School, Massachusetts: The school's summer Arabic-language program took students on a trip to the Islamic Society of Boston, where, the Boston Globe reports, students "sat in a circle on the carpet and learned about Islam from two mosque members." One student, Peberlyn Moreta, 16, fearing that the gold cross around her neck would offend the hosts, tucked it under her T-shirt. Anti-Zionism also appeared, with the showing of the 2002 film "Divine Intervention," which a critic, Jordan Hiller, has termed an "irresponsible film," "frighteningly dangerous," and containing "pure hatred" toward Israel.

• Tarek ibn Ziyad Academy, Inver Grove Heights, Minn.: Islamic Relief Worldwide, an organization that allegedly has links to jihadism and terrorism, sponsored this charter school, which requires Arabic as a second language. The academy's name openly celebrates Islamic imperialism, as Tarek ibn Ziyad led Muslim troops in their conquest of Spain in 711. Local journalists report that "a visitor might well mistake Tarek ibn Ziyad [Academy] for an Islamic school" because of the women wearing hijabs, the carpeted prayer area, the school closing down for Islamic holidays, everyone keeping the Ramadan fast, the cafeteria serving halal food, classes breaking for prayer, almost all the children praying, and the constant use of "Brother" and "Sister" when adults at the school address each other.

• Only in the case of the Iris Becker Elementary School in Dearborn, Mich., is the Arabic-language program not obviously pursuing a political and religious agenda. Its program may actually be clean, or perhaps the minimal information about it explains the lack of known problems.

The above examples (see my Web log entry "Other Taxpayer-Funded American Madrassas" for yet more) are all American, but similar problems predictably exist in other Western countries.

This troubling pattern points to the need for special scrutiny of publicly funded Arabic-language programs. That scrutiny should take the form of robust supervisory boards whose members are immersed in the threat of radical Islam and who have the power to shut down anything they might find objectionable.

Arabic-language instruction at the pre-collegiate level is needed, and the American government rightly promotes it — for example, via the National Security Language Initiative on the national level or the Foreign Language in Elementary Schools program on a local one. As it does so, getting the instruction right becomes ever more important. Citizens, parents, and taxpayers have the right to ensure that children attending these publicly funded institutions are taught a language skill — and are not being recruited to anti-Zionism or Islamism.

What do you think?  Is it possible to teach Arabic or related languages or teach arab and muslim people without involving religion?

Teachers use a visual approach to teach English grammar to deaf students

Deaf students learn English visually

see the original story

According to the original story, Erin Stokes and Gorgeen Spyhalski, had difficulty teaching English grammar to deaf students.   They 'designed' a system of using visual clues, magnets, and symbols to help them.

I assume that the teacher would demonstrate the structure and follow normal teaching methods along with this approach, but it doesn't specifically say so, or say which methods are used with this approach.

This landscape language approach to teaching sounds interesting and I think it could be included along with speech and listening for  learners of English who do not have hearing problems.

I get the idea that perhaps these schools and teachers had relied on the audio-lingual method for teaching English.  That method would of course be inadecuate for people with hearing difficulty since it relies on listening, repeating and making small modifications to the structure in drills.   There are however other methods that could be made more 'visual' through use of computer software, posters, etc. Most teachers include visual elements in class by just writing examples on the boad at the front of the classroom or through the use of hand-outs.

I like the idea of having manipulatable visual elements since the students can become more involved than our usual copy from the board, write example on the board, check example on the board method which gets a bit boring.